Divorce Mediation: #6 of 10 Reasons to Avoid Adversarial Divorce Litigation | Lino Lakes, MN

 #6.    Chaos becomes the norm, rather than creating order.

 It’s interesting how many homes have a “catch-all” room.  It may be in the basement, or garage, or an extra bedroom.  This is where all the projects that never were completed land.  There may be bags of papers that need to be filed, or stacks of magazines, or even unopened mail.   Usually everything here either has “potential” value, or else someone was simply unable to make the decision to let go.   Television episodes have been made about human “pack-rats” who live among piles of clutter so deep that most of the furniture is buried underneath.

This is a physical picture of the emotional overload that often takes place under the pressures of adversarial divorce litigation.   Some people are unable to make decisions – their intellectual skills obliterated by the emotional flooding.  Others become depressed, become lethargic, don’t care anymore, and have difficulty functioning.  There are differing responses, but the reality is that month after month of generating adversarial emotions creates an overload that will damage.  The person’s capacity to function will be diminished, and their children will pay a high price.

Chaos becomes the norm, all because two people have chosen to fight over the issues.  They embarked down a path that leads to further injury for themselves and their children.  And years later they regret that they did not know about the better path… the high road… they wish they had chosen to collaborate or cooperate to find better options and make healthier decisions for their life.

Good advice for those seeking a divorce:

Don’t follow the adversarial road to chaos and regret.  There is a better way.  Ask Dorman Mediation about the Collaborative Divorce Process or Divorce Mediation.

Adversarial litigation teaches people the opposite of the skills they will need to create a healthier and more peaceful future – according to Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D. This is #6 of ten points adapted from Sullivan’s July 2010 presentation to the Minnesota chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC).


7.    The win/lose mentality denies the benefits of cooperation and seeking workable solutions for all.

5.    Unilateral action is fostered, rather than collaborative achievements.


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