Divorce Mediation: #9 of 10 Reasons to Avoid Adversarial Divorce Litigation | Mounds View, MN

People need to begin rebuilding trust and learn how work together for the sake of the kids… but that is often the opposite of their experience in adversarial divorce litigation.

#9.  Fear and distrust are rampant because of what might (will) be used against you.

My friend, Tom, shared that during his divorce proceedings there were times when he went out to the mailbox, took out a letter from his wife’s attorney and just stood there immobile and trembling… afraid of the next attack within the envelop.   Tom is a great guy, and while I know he made his mistakes… no one deserves the kind of nasty treatment that some professionals consider a standard way to gain leverage in a case.

Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law. 

This statement from the Miranda rights is read to those who are being arrested. It also describes the experience of many mired in an adversarial divorce litigation who feel like they are imprisoned by a dysfunctional system.  Living with this kind of emotional pressure for anywhere from six months to four years pushes the stress level off the charts and can create severe psychological damage.

It is my personal belief that too many people going through divorce are damaged by a flawed legal system.  It is my mission to rescue as many as possible and help them discover a healthier direction.  Divorce doesn’t need to heap devastation on top of damage.  There is a better way. Every year, thousands of couples in Minnesota are getting the help they need to make equitable decisions for their future in a healthy environment.  Even as they are ending the marriage, they are choosing a process that makes cooperation possible, minimizes the pain, and allows them to take their first steps toward a healthier and happier future.

Do whatever you can to avoid the system where the fear runs rampant, and start walking a healthier road.  Ask Dorman Mediation about the Collaborative Divorce Process or Divorce Mediation.  Schedule your free consultation today.


 Adversarial litigation teaches people the opposite of the skills they will need to create a healthier and more peaceful future – according to Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D. This is the third in series of eleven blogs counting down the top ten points adapted from Sullivan’s July 2010 presentation to the Minnesota chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC).


10.   Parties are separated and told to communicate only through representation.

8.    Parties learn to deliberately sabotage the other and often use massive distortion to damage the other’s reputation.




  1. […] 9.    Fear and distrust are rampant because of what might (will) be used against you. […]

  2. […]  9.  Fear and distrust are rampant because of what might (will) be used against you. […]

  3. […] 9.       Fear and distrust are rampant because of what might (will) be used against you. […]

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