Divorce Mediation: #10 of 10 Reasons to Avoid Adversarial Divorce Litigation | Woodbury, MN

People need to learn how to dial down the emotion and communicate with a businesslike demeanor for the sake of the kids… but that is often the opposite of their experience in adversarial divorce litigation.  Adversarial litigation teaches people the opposite of the skills they will need to create a healthier and more peaceful future – according to Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D. This is #10 in a series of ten points adapted from Sullivan’s July 2010 presentation to the Minnesota chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC).

#10.   Parties are separated and told to communicate only through representation.

I was disappointed (but not surprised) to read an article asserting that 50% of human communication is miscommunication.  No wonder we experience so much confusion and frustration.  The message we intend to send is not often the message received.  What we hear may not be what was said.  And if the communication is not in real time and directly between two parties, we have little opportunity to immediately reassess and make a course correction.

Remember the old “telephone” game?   A message was whispered from one to another and often came out totally different at the end of the line.  Why? Because people who didn’t fully hear and understand put their own thoughts and words into the message.  Is it really a good idea to put two additional people (lawyers) in the middle of difficult divorce communications?

Don’t let adversatial litigators do all the talking for you.

Here are some complaints from those who have been through an adversarial litigious divorce…

–          My lawyer doesn’t really understand what I want.

–          My lawyer doesn’t really explain things to me.

–          My lawyer is fighting for things I don’t care about.

–          My lawyer is polarizing issues, exaggerating, and making situations worse than they are.

–          My spouse’s lawyer is attacking me – where are they getting this bull?

–          The lawyers are just making things worse.

–          This should have taken 2 months… why is it taking 2 years?

–          I am getting more and more hurt and angry as this process goes on and on.

–          I can’t believe how much this is costing me.

–          Why do they magnify the conflict instead of helping us resolve it?

These people hired the wrong lawyers.   They chose the wrong system.


THERE IS A BETTER WAY! Run from the system where the biggest bully wins, and start walking the high road.  Ask Dorman Mediation about the Collaborative Divorce Process or Divorce Mediation.  Call for a free consultation today.


 9.  Fear and distrust are rampant because of what might (will) be used against you.



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