Kids need co-parents to know…

Helpful advice on co-parenting after the divorce: from the perspective of the kids.

Kids Need Security

  • Assure me that you love me, will protect me, and won’t leave me.

Kid Need both Parents

  • I want both parents in my life. I count on both of you to raise me, teach me what is important, and help me when I have problems.
  • Give me the freedom to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you.

Kids need you to be the adult.

  • Confide in people your own age. We are not your substitute spouse or friend.
  • Tell us we aren’t to blame for your problems. And that we can’t fix them either.

Kids Need to be Kids

  • I need help to get stuff ready for going back and forth. Be patient.
  • I need time to adjust to all the changes. Don’t rush me.
  • Please listen to my questions and opinions without judging.
  • Help me to talk about and learn how to deal with my feelings.
  • Be patient when we are upset about the loss of our old life.

Keep kids out of the middle of your problems. We are just kids.

  • Don’t expect me to take your side, it makes me feel that I am betraying my other parent.
  • Don’t ask us to spy, pass messages, or listen to you criticize or complain about my other parent.
  • Keep your conflicts and dislike of each other out of sight and earshot.
  • Don’t argue in front of me or where I can hear you. When you fight, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
  • Please say only nice things about my other parent, or don’t say anything at all.

Adapted from:  Divorce from the Kids’ Point of View, Isolina Ricci, PhD., NCFR Report, December 2007.

 

 

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